Even a gas can be noble

Posted: June 6, 2017 in Mental Health

I like to enjoy a bit of self deprecation, it keeps me honest and allows others to feel superior when they really need to.

Now this is all well and good usually but when it comes to selling yourself, when applying for work etc. it can be hard to know what is acceptably modest and what is down right arrogant and this is a real issue for me. I have been out of work so long I have forgotten the rules to employment and having served within the same company for 19 years prior to being ill I never had a need for a CV so don’t really have the experience of applying for work and promoting my skills on paper. I feel that even looking for work is some how dishonest and disloyal to my peers.

I went through the meat grinder of applying for PIP when my DLA was converted and like so many of my group members I received an appalling response that somehow gave me only 2 of the precious points required and even those were spurious to say the least. I did what I advise everyone else to do and asked for my reconsideration which was shit show or incompetence and mismanagement that eventually ended with a refusal, no shock there. I know that my grounds for appeal are very strong and should have been upheld if I went through with it and I have counselled so many people to keep on trying in the face of this biased and unfair system that when my wife said she thought it was just too much effort to keep on with it I gave up and let the matter drop. Much to my chagrin I had done the one thing I repeatedly told others not to, even if it was more or less for the benefit of my wife who would have had to do the bulk of the work around the appeal.

I know I probably would get the benefits I deserve simply because I had the ESA process happening at the same time and this ended with me not only getting my ESA back but they upped my level of support, this with the same evidence and although I directed the PIP people towards this information they blankly refused to consider it, like I said it would have been quite likely that an independent person would see what a Dr, as with my ESA medical, saw as opposed to a lay person at the PIP centre did. regardless the situation is that my current benefits added to my wife’s earning are falling well short of our outgoings and the situation isn’t going to improve any time soon so I have a responsibility to my family to try and earn enough to meet the short fall, regardless of whether I am actually able to hold down a proper job.

I am not looking for a standard 9 to 5 gig as this would be a loser straight away and anyway I wont give up the groups and voluntary work as these are the only things that allow me to function and losing them would be catastrophic for my mental wellbeing. So I considered what I can do and more importantly when, then came up with a number of solutions which I feel I may be able to do. Hence why I found myself filling in an application form and struggling with how to respond to the questions. I am not looking for a job at the level I was at prior to my hiatus, indeed I am really only looking for entry level work that will pay suitable for the role and yet the questions asked seem to encourage me to espouse about my qualities, brag and regale the form with all my previous skills and abilities and I found myself avoiding the details asked for as I didn’t want to be seen as too experienced to employ at this level but I know that there is a point where I need to set myself apart from others and this is my turmoil. To be an honest and respectable applicant I have to decide what is acceptable with regards to describing myself and also what I can accept myself without feeling like some kind of braggart.

I know that the answer will come from without rather than myself, and I know that whatever the process I need to go through I can and will do what is necessary, after all I have PD and chameleon like personality is my forte so getting some one to like and trust me will be easy enough, but can I live with myself once the ruse works will remain to be seen.

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Comments
  1. Roger Gooding says:

    Steve, I am appalled by their decision over PIP! Who the fuck do they think they are? Some sort of deity with a bloody coin that they flip to make some poor bastard with a disability poverty stricken? I can not understand how I got PIP at all, let alone at the level awarded and for ten years! I went in bloody angry and kept telling the person assessing me that they obviously knew fuck all about mental health and therefore should not be doing the job. Di admits to being a trifle embarrassed. Because the bloody woman was completely outside of her area of knowledge, if she had one, I immediately requested a copy of her report ready to appeal. The form she filled was a joke and had lies about how I had responded. Then I get awarded the fucking lot! I can not understand the process at all. They might as well pull names out of a hat! I know that you have decided not to take it further and I do not want to add to your stress but you are just as fucked up as I am (sorry) so please reconsider your decision not to take it further. Take care mate. I have now added a few more pricks involved in the PIP process to my “to kill list “Roger.

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