The referee is always a wanker, so why am I so angry?

Posted: May 30, 2017 in Crazy stuff, Mental Health

As well as being entirely too interested in what is happening in the world outside for my own good I subscribe to the belief that my team , Chelsea FC, are the best in world. If anyone wants me to prove this I will of course struggle but if the rule of advertising counts then I can, every week thousands of consumers shout out this as a de facto truth and if asked at least 9 out of 10 would agree as long as it was our gang asking .

Anyway that said I support my team through thick and thin, for the first thirty years were very thin indeed, and I am aware this will not necessarily be a popular, other teams are available as the ad man never says. The FA cup final took place at the weekend and my boys were attempting to top off a stellar year with a flourish and to achieve the much vaunted double, our opponents were the ner do wells of Arsenal who under achieve to such a level its hard to really feel any malice towards them, but of course I do.

The game was, from a purely Chelsea perspective, awful. We were not on our game, at the races or any other of the many metaphors used to describe a poor performance. I can live with that, we won 30 games in the league and if the cup wasn’t to be so be it. Problem is there were a number of poor refereeing decisions that sent what was a frustrated fan, myself, into the realms of a crazy fundamentalist and I am not being insensitive to the weeks events here, that is genuinely how angry I was.

The game started with a very early goal for the opposition, a shock for any team but when the referee blew up for offside myself and the other fans nearby were relieved as there had clearly been a handball prior to the goals as well as at least one offside. Being the beautiful game seldom are such matters concrete and the ref duly changed his mind and gave what can only be described as an abomination of a goal that put us on the back foot and proved to be the deciding factor as we lost 2-1. Anyone who watched the game will agree that Arsenal deserved the win, we were lucky more than a few times and their keeper pulled off a few great saves, even their poor finishing seemed to mock us as I hoped they would either concede top us or score another fair goal so the abhorrent one had little effect on the end result. I was to be disappointed and then ensued the rage I spoke of earlier.

Now no matter what side of the footie debate you are on everyone knows what passion about something feels like, you cheer when it goes well and feel deeply unhappy for a while when it doesn’t, I’m normal in that respect I imagine but I can honestly say I went far beyond anger in a matter of seconds and managed to continue, in many ways growing its intensity for another three hours. Why is my real question here. I have watched games where the ref has ruined the result many times, for Chelsea and England and usually I can accept it as the vagaries of sport and even realise these things even themselves out but not this time.

It took until very late on Saturday to calm down and I was aware of the ludicrousness of the whole situation even as I ranted inwardly but try as I might I couldn’t console myself or relax enough to let go. I did think about it on the Sunday while doing my version of meditation, which is DIY, and could say with some confidence I understand exactly what happened and its so simple I could kick myself. I perceived the game, due to the very early bad decision, to be unfair.

I saw in what was happening an injustice I couldn’t protest about and that, added to the many voices giving alternatively agreeable and argumentative opinions made me furious and this wasn’t really about the game any more hence why it carried on for so long. I understand trigger better than many people due to the nature of my groups, we discuss them a lot, but still I was caught out entirely by the anger and due to my inability to recognise what was happening I was left with the sore neck and shoulders and tight jaw that always follows an episode of true rage.

Its lovely to have the hindsight to understand it all without the need for a therapist and I will obviously put this in the column of stuff to be aware of but the fact is I am angry at myself even now. I, like every other fan, knows that a referee can and will do whatever they want. The governing body of the sport is the most corrupt in the world and we all watched as they did exactly as they pleased for years, so why I would even dare to hope that any game would pass off without a clanger being dropped is beyond me. We, as fans sing what we think of the ref more than once at almost every game, and the opposition fans do too. So my evening could have been saved and the anger and frustration unspent, just by realising that the referee will always be a wanker my life will be so much better.

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