Its not fun if there’s no pun

Posted: May 19, 2015 in Mental Health

I like humour, I try and be pithy with my blog titles and firmly believe that levity is the secret to easing tension in highly emotional situations, so much so I pretty much find a way to laugh about anything and hide behind my “ohh you are awful!” style and if you don’t get the reference just wait a while to see why.

I also believe that intelligence allows people, in this instance me, to get away with things after all a clever lawyer or barrister can help a guilty man beat any rap and we all know that politicians are not the brightest of the bright they are usually guided by very clever people who are so smart we don’t know who they are yet the run the country and quite possibly the world without a single vote being cast in their favour. So I would say I have some justification in thinking smart people get away with stuff and in my mind I am one of those smart people. So lets just look at that statement, in itself most people wouldn’t necessarily argue with me but that’s my secret and the whole point of this blog I guess.

My intelligence doesn’t stand up to scrutiny really, my secondary schooling was mediocre in its delivery and ruined by the NUT going on a work to rule for two years that left huge holes in the curriculum for my final years. I sat a mixture of O levels, ( that’s why you didn’t get the reference I’m that old) and the new fangled GCSE exams for which I did well in comparison to my peers but against the national averages I was, well average.

I didn’t pursue my further education as I was a bit tied up with the race war going on at my college and didn’t see the value of A levels compared to life threatening injury so it ended there with a handful of A’s B’s and yes C’s but no more. I did resume education in my forties and year one uni was a doddle with very good scores but I am led to believe the real work doesn’t start til year two and I wasn’t able to get that far, I would point out I was unwell but I am not entirely sure that wasn’t why I was unwell.

So on paper I don’t stack up as smart but I understand that this is one measure of intellect alone and I can satisfyingly say I have been very good at passing exams and work related study in my adulthood, I even sat a Royal  Navy proficiency test and almost got 100%, it didn’t get m in because of issues I wasn’t made aware of but I am proud of the mark and that fact I have passed everything ever put in front of me thus far but I haven’t been tested on a great scale in my eyes and therefore my belief in my superior intellect is flawed and therefore wrong.

That said I have a particular kind of intelligence that I am beginning to believe isn’t necessarily a good thing, certainly not helpful when it comes to my mental health and a total disaster when it comes to getting help or being identified as needing any assistance. I would drown in the sea even in the company of a 100 boats simply because I would make my drowning appear to be a measured attempt at playing at drowning and only as my lungs filled and I was beyond help would I realise that my attempt to not appear drowning had undone me, a metaphor of some colour I hope illustrating my dilemma.

If you meet me, some poor folk do quite often, and ask how I am the varying degrees of honesty will depend on who you are, how open I feel able to be. in fact even at the very closest level of intimacy  I am highly unlikely to let you know either because I don’t feel you should or because I don’t want you to worry about the truth, so I do the closest thing I can to lie and that’s joke about it. And I am good at that side of things, I can have someone in stitches regardless of how they were feeling just by lightening things up and teasing or at a push framing the truth in a humorous way that belies the fact.

Now I am not attempting to send out a call for help in this blog or asking someone to look beyond the “tears of a clown” story, I’m a big boy and if my bravado works then its to my detriment and more fool me I guess. I see people all the time who are using whatever ways they can find to ask for help and their pleas are ignored or dismissed. Attention seekers in the eyes of the world and the reality for them is they are being failed and I and my colleagues in our own little way acknowledge that and I hope it helps them. What I do is contrary to their behaviour and I am slowly becoming aware of this trait in myself so I cannot even claim I lacked insight and it was a different way of asking because, and I may be being harsh on myself here, that’s bullshit.

I will probably always use humour as a weapon of mass distraction, a pun even now, and that’s a choice I make and ask no one to pry behind the clowns mask as I am effective at what I do from back here and if its not in my best interests, and I know that, then again more fool me. But I would say that I am not unique in this tactic, I cant be, and maybe in reading this you may look at someone you know who suffers behind a joke and if they are doing it to protect you then depending on how you are tell them you know or if that’s not right then just appreciate the effort they’re going through privately , and throw them a bone and laugh along as they’ll feel its worth the pain if you smile for them every now and then, but if you can get them to let the mask drop mores the better, I may even take mine off some day but I could just be joking about that too.

  1. coogeesimon says:

    “I only mean it when I laugh”

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