The will to live?

Posted: February 4, 2014 in Mental Health

Its a common enough saying amongst the busy or overworked, losing the will to live and I know its not meant literally by most but the question beckons, is there such a thing?

Many of my contemporaries with mental health issues, PD and everything else besides have felt suicidal and many have  genuinely attempted it, lots more besides describe the wish for life to end but don’t know how or feel brave enough to bring it about. If their is such a thing as a will to live then they are not subscribing to it and yet we live on.

Amongst my peers I have brought up the fact that everyone of us is a survivor, we have gone through a lifetime of hurt and pain and yet here we all are and quite rightly I congratulate them, many of the so called strong people would have crumbled and died or retreated into the care of others entirely under such circumstances and here we all are , battered, scarred and exhausted by life but we are together in a group supporting each other and yet given the choice I think the majority of the people in the room would gladly pass away if it meant our loved ones weren’t going to live with the repercussions.

So whats keeping us here? I mean the efforts I took to end my life were pretty fool proof if I repeated them I am sure they would nine times out of ten resulted in death and yet I am here to write about them and I know some people who have all but died from their efforts yet have been brought back from the brink, reluctantly and live on. I am not an ascriber to supernatural elements , no religious or spiritual systems of belief could convince me that we are surviving because a “God” has decided that is his will but I do see a hand of something in our survival and wonder what it is.

Life as I understand it is the domain of nature, our design and abilities are ordained by genetics and evolution so maybe the reason we cant or haven’t died yet is an internal mechanism, a self preservation element which could for want of a better way be described as the will to live.

If you consider that the very reason we are here at all is because our ancestors were tougher to kill and better at reproducing than their contemporaries and  we are their progeny so we must have something of the survivor about us surely? When you look at the events of our lives and see what we were able to overcome, the pain of emotional distress that has sent many good people to their deaths and yet , sorry for labouring the point , we are still here.

Now if this were true and I am not decided either way it then throws up another awkward question, why? I would like to think I had one choice that was entirely mine, far from ruling my own universe as I believe in my darkest days I am resigned to knowing that control is an illusion that forces beyond me are governing my life and I can kind of accept that as long as I get the ultimate decision over whether I live, at least outside of an accident of some sort. If I don’t then why not? is there a higher purpose involved? and if so what’s the game? scary to think about isn’t it? and this is where I stop my quest for answers as I cant believe I serve enough of a purpose in this world that I am, not in a special way I might add, am forced to exist when so many more worthy souls are departed, children who die surely deserved the opportunity more than I or someone who clearly is willing to give it up and not to mention the greats in so many fields who offer the possibility of cures for cancers or what ever their fields are.

I guess we are also in the position of having to accept the status quo for now and maybe one day we’ll see the plan for us and , as unlikely as it seems, be happy with the decisions taken out of our hand by this mysterious “will”, lets hope so.

  1. magicallymad says:

    As someone who has been brought back, I definitely think whatever it is comes from within, you’re right. I’m glad you’re here.

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