2012, Mayans, Olympians and all that

Posted: December 7, 2012 in Mental Health

It behooves a blogger to look back at times, I think this makes the purpose of blogging clear and in many ways is the only true reason for doing it. I understand some do so for their readers, well good for them I have no such higher purpose, I write books for my readers I write blogs for myself.

That said it has been a year of events, which I suppose is common to most years and dependent on your own experiences some years are memorable and others not. I didnt have a big birthday this year to mark, my children all went from one of the less important ages to another, big celebrations will be coming soon though. In the family nothing of note really happened, my brother turned forty and that was the height of the excitement.

So it wasnt in the realms of family that marked the slow movement of time towards the end of the Mayan calendar but that doesnt mean plenty didnt happen. I lost some very dear people this year and in my own way handled it well. That compares to times when I have melted down entirely at the news of a death and spent years recovering, both the men in question had deep impact on my life and losing one would have been terrible, but both was indescribably bad. I marked the deaths differently and in the case of my best friends dad I went into support mode and this gave me time to breath and accept everything, although it merely deferred the effect.

That was pretty much as bad as it got, or so I thought but at the time I was able to push past it and seem OK, I found out this year I am getting very good at seeming OK, a good thing or not time will tell. So what of the good things. My first book was published which was a big thing for me, if not the literary world. I managed to do everything myself, screwed up on occasions but ultimately published a kindle version and a paperback that was well received and enjoyed by many. In that area I also wrote my second , which will be published again by me in the new year and I am two thirds through book three, half way through book four and a quarter of the way through book five, and yes six and seven are in mind and probably going be started long before number three is finished, In years to come they will see this as genius but until then stupid will probably be best served.

It was a great year for being British, we had the Jubilee, Olympics and Paralympics and I am pleased to say I got to enjoy the bits I wanted to and missed the bits I wasnt too keen on. The Olympics were a majestic success, I yawned a lot at the beginning but by the end  I was so gold struck I couldnt believe it. Attending the Paralympics was a bonus, seeing the olympic village and the venues was great a surprise meeting with dear friends and everything else about the summer of sport made it memorable for the best reasons there are. As a Chelsea fan the European success was beyond the realm of dreams and as we sit in a less than preferable situation I will be smiling for years to come on that one great night alone. In all the sports was too much for one year and I will probably find reasons to celebrate that success in years to come.

The world I lived in was busy when I needed it to be and volunteering had made things bearable at times when I needed them to. My School Governors roles was a surprise, both good and bad and starting up a support group for BPD topped things off, I was riding a wave of good feelings, a wave that like all overs crashed into the land and left me high and dry for a while. would I still ride the wave again, hell yeah I’m not a surfer but the idea is the same, its not the result that counts but the journey to finding it that means the most.

I suppose the year wouldnt be accurately portrayed without commenting on my recent meltdown, after all it will probably be the headline in years to come, but I see it as a minor thing in comparison and if the Mayans got it right I wont care either way. Yes at this time I am in a world of pain, not really understanding everything and struggling to get to grips with life as I remember it but that’s part of being in the realms of BPD and I was a fool not to expect this so more fool me.

As I look forward to next year I see good things on the horizon, My children are as ever flying forward into wonderful successful lives, My own and the Wifes health can only improve so that’s a bonus and in general we are in a better place than we were this time last year, financially hats not so true but we discovered this year that that isnt always a good thing. I suppose the most surprising thing I did this year was to put myself at risk to save a French persons home,  they dont even know about it and I could attribute the actions to my impulsivity but I like to think selflessness was at the fore.

I have a loathing of France that is genetically ingrained so acting for the benefit of another without thought for myself shows that for all my bluster about being British, a Chelsea fan or anything else that separates me from those I choose to aim my vitriol at I still do the right thing, which is the best anyone can say surely.

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