A week on, where now?

Posted: November 29, 2012 in Crazy stuff

Its been seven days since my melt down, time enough one would think to recover ones sense of self and work out where to go next, seems feasible that by now I would be operating at something like full capacity and shrugged the whole thing off as a blip, tough guy like me, surely I would have?

Not even close to be honest and I am struggling with the idea that its coming soon, nowhere in the near future can I see a resumption of normal service and this doesnt mean it wont happen but it feels like that. I am doing everything I have been advised to do, well the best effort I can, I have pulled back entirely from almost everything except my support group. The group which was today worked as an outlet for me and it coincided with a few other members having had episodes in the interim so we helped each other and the BPD effect was abated somewhat.

As I sit here now I am still confounded by the whole thing but I feel totally committed to moving forward again, I dont know when that movement will happen, I have literally paused my life until after the holidays in the hope the time spent at home doing nothing gets me antsy and I want to start again but I am not pressurizing myself into a date when I can hit play again.

If I was to describe the week I have had then it would be pages rather than a screens worth so I wont even start, I have considered writing what I can for now and then revisiting it once I can concentrate and maybe pick the bones out of it, the fact I am doing an autopsy of the events and not the subject of an autopsy myself is enough for me right now.


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