Frustration? great game bad emotion

Posted: October 1, 2012 in Mental Health

I hate feeling unable to act, knowing the right thing to do and not doing it makes me angry, which in turn makes me difficult to communicate with which frustrates others which in turn makes me angry, a cycle so many of us will recognise but not know how to beat.

BPD or I guess any PD will have a recurring theme for everyone that is apparently a result of our past traumas or neglect, psychotherapists smile as they tell you this as if they have been party to a secret you have been too dumb to work out, I know that’s not what they are thinking but its there in my head nonetheless. Once youve been told it is supposed to assist in breaking the habits caused by this but after a while the effect wears off and you have to remind yourself of the facts. Where do we go when the good parts of knowing fly away and its just information that we believe to be given by a party with an agenda? as we tend to do, the authority figure we relied on becomes the one we think is manipulating us and so the cycle begins.

I have been sitting with these feelings for a while but havent wanted to express them because in most areas of life I am achieving what I set out to, the book is written the support group is happening and I have been working hard in my voluntary roles without any real negative reaction, in short things arent too bad so why stir up things with these less positive feelings?

The answer is the same as any illness or condition, keeping the symptoms at bay is not curing them, a plaster will hide the bloody spot but remove it and the blood runs freely, a stitch will help but ultimately you need the wound to be fixed, the tumour removed or the decay taken out because left to fester things get worse and if you feel able to handle them now but dont then you might be too far gone when they do the inevitable and kick you in the balls. I am not really sure how to address the issue right now, expressing it is a start I guess and knowledge is the key as they love to say. I will keep on track with everything elses in the hope I can perform running repairs and if this fails I will do something I have never knowingly done before, ask for help.

I almost put a den den den, like a detective story when the reveal is given such is the shock that might be to those who know me well, yes I steve Goldsack will actually ask for help before the situation reaches a point where I have to scream for it, in the past by acting out in some overt way. Now this may seem logical and worthy but as I write it I still dont really know what that looks like so in saying I will do it I dont truly understand what I need to do but I will aks someone who does I guess, talk to my friends and peers, clinical people or my family, I have no clue which avenue will render me the most success but I will do whats right at the time and hope this is correct.

Frustration can have two effects it can cause dismay and anger or it can create the circumstances where change is possible, if caveman had been happy we would never have evolved, as long as small pox wasnt bothering anyone it was allowed to flourish, it was only when they were deemed a problem that the people with the nous to change things were driven to do so. There are inventors all over the world who have incredible ideas that deserve respect but unless they are resolving something that is an issue for us we dont care. That is where I am at, the issue is such that I cannot allow it to fester and I will now use the frustration as fuel for change instead of  cause for complaint. will it work? watch this space I guess.


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