Boulevard or Broken Dreams?

Posted: September 21, 2012 in Mental Health

I have many traits that seem to crop up again and again which I think I handle well considering how they impact on me, I avoid things that might trigger them and as a management plan its working. Now one thing I also have a massive love for is music, I believe firmly that it can soothe the beast within and helps me in many ways, relaxing, writing and also to kill time when I am having one ‘those days’.

So it is odd when two things combine to make my mind spin and when one of them is music its even weirder. I have been on an Alpha male kick recently, building things and making stuff to help the family out, making myself feel very manly in the process. This week decorating has become my thing and like most painters and decorators a bit of background music can’t go amiss. The joys of an Ipod are you get to pick what you hear for hours on end without adverts or inane chat from plonkers, all good I’m sure you’ll agree.

The playlist I have on is called simply home and there is an eclectic mix from Bob Dylan to Rage against the machine with Adele and some country music interspersed amongst it all. I was about halfway through my day when the classic Green Day song Boulevard of Broken Dreams came on. I must have been in a reflective mood because i didnt sing along and actually listened to the lyrics. I am crap at putting things verbatim but one of the verses is all about being on a line between feelings and then he says Borderline, I double took at this point and hit repeat. I know I do this a lot, and have met many other PD sufferers who hear their lives in song, Roberta Flack wrote a hit about it years ago but this time I was sure the song was really about PD and specifically Borderline but I dont know how to find out?

I did think to send an email to the bands website just asking but that too creepy for me to be comfortable with and I realised much later in the day that Bruce Springsteen often seems to be singing my life story, with an American twist so why is this any different?

I suppose I know the song is just lyrically related to thoughts and emotions and they might have just known about BPD or it might be coincidence but it set me worrying about my mind and its strange ways of tying me to things I have nothing to do with and believe me this isnt my normal way I dont have guilt, it was left out of the box when they built me but I do get something akin to it with a darker side to it, a destructive surety that I am to blame, not feeling guilty but knowing I should. I am not a me me me kind of person but in this I am confused, and do I change my playlist to avoid any song that could in any way be tied to me?


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