Free at last, free at last

Posted: July 8, 2012 in Mental Health

Taking medication is bad, over reacting to stimulae is bad, having an opinion is bad, not following the orders of a person who has been in your company for a grand total of an hour every year is bad, BPD is a lie and we are bad for saying we’ve got it, in fact anything and everything about life in the realms of BPD is bad, right?

Well until recently I agreed with this stuff, not because I believed it but because I had been fed this crap I was in some ways brainwashed into believing it and unfortunately my mind was preoccupied with mundane shit like preventing me from committing heinous acts of violence against relatively innocent people, I say relatively they dont deserve to be killed or beaten to the consistency of mashed potato but they should be beaten up a bit for their impertinence in existing within my universe without doing me the courtesy of fucking off and being an ass elsewhere. That said I know what I’ve got and how others feel about it and up until recently actually gave a shit about it, those days are over, in the words of florence and the machine, the dull days are over.

I have opened my eyes and seen the world, a little like Neo in the Matrix I have swallowed the right pill to reveal the truth behind everything and guess what. its exactly what we thought was going on but were told we couldnt understand because we are emotionally retarded and can’t trust our own feelings and senses.

This may sound like a huge leap from my previous attitude but its not, in many ways it an extension of everything I went through in therapy but with a twist, I got to make my own mind up in a reasonably lucid state of mind and that has made all the difference. I cannot say I am in anyway cured or even better off but I also dont still hold onto the hope I will be, this isnt being defeatist just pragmatic and the change will ensure everything I manage to do with life from this point on is as a result of my own volition , supported by family and dear friends of course but when I fall it will be me tripping over not some mental health professional doing the pushing so when I rise again, and believe me I will it will be dude to my own efforts, yes the meds will help control the symptoms but they wont colour the world as I see it.

I am on a mission now, to help my peers, not just BPD sufferers but the mucky bottom dwelling souls regarded as illegitimate denizens of our precious land, the mentally ill in whatever guise they appear. I know through voluntary work that so many are left to stew in their own juices for far too long, ignored by their carers in favour of more exciting clients who will show up as cured on their paperwork and league tables. I am researching where i can meet, who could be available to assist and what is needed by my peers, I am no therapist and would be serving people badly if I claimed to be knowledgable on such matters but thats not really whats required is it, understanding and attention are most vital, help with the beaurocracy and red tape that log jams our lives and an ear without judgement to allow the needs to be heard and if possible catered for.

Finding out where to look is a minefield but I am on a mission and I am not alone there are some very astute and clever people, who just so happen also have to live with the stigma and hardship of mental illness, if you can help or know anyway that things an be moved forward feel free to comment, and remember just because everyone says we’re beneath concern doesnt matter to us, we are here for each other so let the “mainstream” folks carry on with their shit while we lay in the sunshine of our own making.

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