Hubris, its out there waiting

Posted: June 15, 2012 in Mental Health

It’s fine to be proud of your achievements right? no one can tell a man what he has the right to feel but beware there is one person  who is justifiably able to rain on your parade and they are waiting for the chance, maybe not today but soon and when they act it will be devastating and heartless and the ruthlessness will take your breath away.

So who is this cold hearted wielder of of the axe? well dont look over your shoulder they arent behind you lurking, its not even worth locking your doors to keep them out, its you. I know this may seem logical to some of us but I dont think its just BPD sufferers who experience this but its just a bit worse for us.

I am in a bad place, this is evident but the whole reason why is self flagellation, my hard bitten cynicism is working full time to make me feel like shit and as hard as I try to regain my composure I get to the point where I am counting my credentials, those things I do which prove I have self worth, as I start this list, straight away every negative thing in my life real or imagined comes into my head and sends me spiralling into a dark pit of self pity, self loathing and other equally terrible feelings. I write this not engender pity, understanding or even consideration but as a warning.

No matter how hard you try there will stuff that comes along just to fuck you up, its your choice whether you allow this to affect you but be prepared for when it happens and know that it wont be the end of you but it will feel like it for a while and as much as I know things are going to get better it doesnt feel like it right now.

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