Eloquent silence

Posted: May 22, 2012 in Mental Health

I have experienced some different silences recently, all mean something but why is hard to define. I like many with BPD get paranoid about anyone who doesnt react or say what I thought they would or should, when someone isnt commenting when everyone one else is I get concerned and wonder if they are making an effort to make a point or they are struggling to say anything for reasons unknown.

In my dark and twisted moments I attribute many ideas to people around me and I accept that I am usually wrong by some degrees, but occasionally I think I might have cracked it. In the past few weeks I have monitored what is being said by everyone in my theatre of influence, some very heart felt comments and statements are put out there and rather oddly some people are saying lots but nothing at the same time and it disturbs me somewhat.

I accept that everyone has the right to express themselves, as long as they dont demean others or cause deliberate offence, I even agree that of offence was incidental and not meant it can be forgiven and should be in my mind, there is too much effort by people to find fault with others and this can lead to disgruntled folks who could easily have just shrugged and got on with their own lives but instead react poorly and look for injury when none was intended.

That said I have been very interested in some of what has been said, on different subjects and about things of no import at all while saying nothing at all about important issues which should be acknowledged in my mind, the eloquence of their silence making it clear what they are saying without the need for words. Confusing? maybe but in this instance I am certain their is almost a passive aggressive posture being used to throw attitudes and opinions about whilst pretending to be saying nothing at all, and to be honest it angers me and brings me to feel that I should either leave the group or reject the people or persons involved, to in essence censure them myself, a risky thing to do when I admit my thought are jumbled and could be misconstrued, but still I claim enough insight to see what is being done, if not said by the guilty parties.

I too have left things unsaid, deliberately and know the power of what I am doing, does this make me a hypocrite, possibly but I do so for reasons of expedience and courtesy, not as a method of pushing my opinions onto a group, I will if asked offer my opinion but in some area something must be said and if the people involved choose to remain silent then I can see it as a form of attack, and knowing how I feel and other too it could be seen almost as ghoulish and unpleasant, what do I do about this if anything is the question and I suppose by noting in public the loudness of this silence i may bring it to the fore and force the people involved to change their tack, do I want to?not really I just want it duly noted that saying nothing whilst talking incessantly is likely to upset and cause offence and I feel it would be deemed deliberate.


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