Hard times

Posted: May 8, 2012 in Mental Health

So this last week has been a toughie emotionally, you can probably tell from my last post I have lost someone very important to my recovery and so has a lot of people, most of whom have BPD so dealing with all our emotions at once has been trying. I am pretty level at the moment so quite rightly I have tried to support those who are more vulnerable right now but I dont really want to, not because I’m mean spirited I just cant be arsed.

I have had a great weekend with my family, no internet so no contact on facebook or any other medium and I can exclusively reveal life without social networking exists and its pretty good. I was camping so mod cons were out the window, not even a TV and we survived, no we thrived and even my youngest at 6 managed to survive with just a DVD at bedtime, and he didnt manage half an hour before he fell asleep. This weekend in poor weather was great but as with everything that is outside of the BPD grind it ends.

Coming back felt OK, no impending doom in my head but being here is another matter, the whole world is still crap, Rogers still dead and everyone still thinks I’m either cured or crazy, no middle ground and its tough right now not to feel down and a little pissed off. People that should know better say things they shouldnt, those I used to rely on are missing, not in reality but figuratively and I am trying to support my wife who is struggling with her own demons, in reality I want to curl up and see out the next few weeks, not fulfil my obligations to my charity roles but this is the last thing I should be doing, in fact I should be upping my involvement to use up the dead time, I know this but I cant do it, I will do what I signed on for and no more, maybe by doing the little things big stuff will be sorted as well but I dont know and I suppose this is the time to look back on my past posts, read the good times and remind myself of what I have done and can do, maybe it is time but today I dont want to, theres always tomorrow, which is true in most cases but not all.

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