Today was a big day for some, a friend made a step towards recovery by leaving the group much as I did and for the same reasons, it was lovely to join him and others and reflect on how well he had done, what was still an issue and the fact he didnt even know where to begin all those years ago. We share a few common interests such as our Open university course and although we are markedly different in who we are our shared experience and knowledge make discussions easy and fruitful without really needing them to be.

The chatting over coffee was enlightening for many reasons, we spoke about things we were never shown as grown up children that we might have expected, how to shave, sexual knowledge and a lady friend didnt even get told about menstruation, I remarked that it was no coincidence we were here at the same time with these shared experiences, our parents for one reason or another had not finished the job they were given, none of us were bitter but it was interesting that we hadn’t in all the time together spoken about this, proof there is mileage yet in our recovery but we agreed it didnt mean we were any further away from being where we wanted to be, which as it happened wasnt the same for all of us.

Another thing that is new to my life is some treatment I am taking for my diabetes, this is , if it works the way it should I will be considerably lighter in a few months and my lifestyle and treatment regime may change drastically, quite daunting I’m sure you will agree. My BPD makes change hard, little trivial things set me on edge so  huge life changing things like this are especially hard. I started the injections yesterday and as explained I feel pretty nauseous today and light headed, knowing its for the best doesnt improve the situation but its part and parcel of what I have to do to ensure I will live for a long time yet, something I wasnt entirely honest about when I was in treatment, the idea I could be slowly killing myself in plain sight was mentioned and written off as irrelevant, it wasnt but it suited me to have been honest and ignored, if anything it reinforced my idea it wasnt important.

I will no doubt be letting everyone know about the trials and tribulations of this treatment but I will be interested in how it affects my mental health as well, watch this space is all I can say so far.

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