Friends or co conspirator

Posted: April 18, 2012 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , ,

As a member of the various groups I am in I meet many people with either BPD or some other similar condition, this can range from PTSD to Bi-Polar and severe depression and they all have their crosses to bear, as do I and most people in our situation. I speak to them in different circumstances and ways, some via text or Facebook messages others on the phone and few face to face but I am caught up in a quandary about how to handle these contacts.

While in therapy the idea of contacts was contentious some would regard a simple chat as nothing of note while others would place huge importance on the same event, paranoia and accusations of bitching were common and I laughed at most of this stuff, privately of course. I saw innocuous chats become life changing events when handled badly and my infamous depth of patience was some times tested by petty disputes and imagined hurts, I would often say as much if provoked but I now doubt whether I was right, and I’m not sure why.

I speak to friends and they say things that are patently not true or largely exaggerated but I often just brush past it or ignore it totally for their sake, the comments can be about anything from appearance to attitudes to others where they are certain of something which is either highly unlikely or just plain wrong but to say so might offend and raise issues they dont truly need to deal with at this time, so am I being a caring friend not wishing to upset a volatile and emotionally unstable soul or an appeaser who by saying nothing is de facto agreeing with them and reinforcing their ideas?

I have opposing views on this, how very BPD of me, and it may be the individual involved is the parameter I need to look at, a harmless bit of bias in one persons mind might make them use a different product or hate a certain type of person they are unlikely to meet but to another it could colour their entire attitude and this is where I fall down. I know I do it myself although through my experiences of others poking their noses in I stay quiet much of the time but it still happens and it can be days or weeks before I realise I have been carried away on a tangent by my strange thought process‘s it has cost me large amounts of money in the past, possibly damaged relationships and nearly always cost me emotionally more than I cost stand to pay.

I know what I am like, if a “normal” person said I was wrong I could argue they didnt understand the complexities of my mind, the strange patterns and values I have accumulated over my dysfunctional life, they “don’t get me” would be the claim and I would be right in a lot of cases, but if a fellow sufferer says something I have a choice to make, its one I often offer to anyone who listens to my advice as well, am I better equipped to offer the advice as I have an idea where they are coming from or conversely would you listen to someone who has so clearly demonstrated a lack of judgement and ability to act like a lunatic? I still dont understand when they side with me and accept my word as wise or sensible, I dont trust me that much and I’m kind of obliged to.

In the end I will always be wary of saying something to some people and quite happy to interject with others, and the criteria for doing so will be complicated and change daily but it will keep a few people happy when they need to be and shouldnt cause any more harm than they intended anyway, I hope.

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