hibernation habits of BPD

Posted: April 16, 2012 in Mental Health
Tags: , , , , , , ,

It seems to be a busy time for the rarest of breeds, the BPD sufferer. Not rare enough I hear you say and I would agree, nonetheless it does seem to be a time of turmoil for many of us which makes me wonder if there are two types, or maybe even three out there.

I was type 1 which I define as the winter loon, as the calendar creeps towards the holidays, as the americans call them I would slowly start to get worse, my mood would lower and depression would set in, trying to maintain a facade made things tiresome and my temper would fray very quickly, then the nights out would start and the mix of an unsettled mind, some low grade anti depressants and a bad attitude would set off the violence, or so I thought. I stopped the drinking, which was never an issue for me anyway in 2000 but the anger and quick temper carried on growing worse, even not going out changed little shopping, walking or worse driving would trigger me off so I did what I thought was best, i cocooned myself off and turned the still prevalent anger inwards, this probably sounds familiar to some, as I said I call it type 1.

Type 2 , where I now believe I am is less predictable, like type 1 could be called predictable in anyway, but still it is harder to pin point because the calendar is not in play, or so I thought. I have a theory that BPD can hibernate over the cold months where we have less social interaction, it fools us into feeling well and starting to socialize again then kicks in as the diary fills or our commitments grow, pulls the rug out as you will and leaves us angry and embarrassed. I have read and spoken to a few people recently and include myself in this group as it happened last year as well although I had my group to assist me and they would still do so now if I wanted them to, I know that but as I see it I have to go through this every year so it serves a purpose to try and get through it alone, or as alone as anyone of really is within a loving family. Yes I dread waking again and trying to motivate myself to do something is harder than usual, I get angry easily and overreact to everything but I havent made any drastic situations yet, I am managing to combine previous lessons learned with experiences and use this to keep the status quo for now, I hope others in the same boat can do the same and we get through this period as unscathed as possible and move onto the next phase, albeit temporarily until next spring.

Type 3 is the worst of all, its constant and offers no rest, these people are the poor souls described by health care professionals as untreatable, unstable and too needy for care, they get medicated to horse doses on anti psychotics, bear in mind BPD is not true psychosis, and left as either catatonic zombies or highly strung problems for their local mental health teams, overdosing and cutting to deal with the unsolvable world they inhabit. I have been in this group too, but an enlightened man knew there was treatment capable of helping, he was right and I am proud to have climbed away from that point, I say this with no aspersions cast on those still in this type 3 phase, they are just doing what they do to try and survive, or not as the case may be.

There are those mental health professionals who would love to have access to us, to use our timelines and symptoms to understand our condition more but the resource isnt there , yet, and when it is most of us will be in different places to where we are now, maybe better just as likely worse or somewhere in between, its a shame I know but its called life and our lot is not always a happy one.

  1. Jaen Wirefly says:

    BPD is very common and becoming less of the “toxic” diagnosis. I believe all those with BPD suffer from depression and are very sensitive to the environmental elements, such as lack of sunlight or the chilled air. You aren’t alone in the feelings of emptiness and isolation. I know how horrible it feels when those feeling take over. When I’m in deep sometimes it’s impossible to reach out. But if you can post that’s a good sign. Keep posting.

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