I know its a mental statement but one I have heard from a fellow BPD  sufferer and I have to admit I have felt this way to before, and in saying that I do not belittle the horrible illness‘s that cancer causes, its just a figurehead of sorts, for cancer see any incurable illness that is possibly fatal and engenders real sympathy and assistance from the world at large.

Think about it, when someone of note comes out with news they have a potentially fatal disease the world rallies to offer support, you only have to look at the football this last month to see what great outpourings of support and solidarity can happen, both Muamba and Petrov deserve as much but when anyone mentions they have been depressed or worse on the mental health front what do we get, a few stalwarts offering support and comedians across the land taking the piss, yes i have heard a few even handed comics doing it to both scenarios and to them I say thank you, I dont want to be coddled and unmentioned just as much as I dont want to be pointed at have fun poked at my expense.

The cancer thing was said as a two pronged issue, Cancer patients get treated as patients, we know what they’ve got and how to treat it, the symptoms are well documented and side effects as well, mental health has none of this, we could have a very specific prognosis but we might be offered any number of treatments, therapies our behaviour can be interpreted in many ways and BPD especially has a very mixed response from professionals, so wanting to have a defined illness with a set of rules on what to do does sound better, albeit with a much worse end result.

The other portion of the thought is simple, if I have cancer then I can die, blame free without anyone pointing fingers at me and my family would be paid out and the kids would have a proper explanation for their own children when asked how I died, selfish i know but its a form of logic I ascribe to I’m afraid. this idea that dying from natural causes would somehow be better is tosh, the end is usually painful and distressing and when you do pass there would be no sense of release from mental torture just a blessed relief from what lead up to the last moments.

I dont wish I had cancer anymore, and I dont think my friend does either but the idea isnt as crazy as it sounds or repugnant a thought either, those of us in the position we find ourselves in dont have the luxury of feeling inappropriate having these thoughts, we dont have the self awareness to edit our thoughts so please dont be offended by the statement, I have lost many loved ones as well, I know the pain, its just a way of expressing our darker thoughts.

  1. I’ve been there. I guess I too wanted that understanding that I have an illness, an illness that could take my life and needs treatment and interferes with my ability to do everyday thngs. But I keep in mind that cancer used to be hush hush and now look, it’s commonplace – let’s hope mental illness is that way one day

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