Man up,dig deeper and other useful advice

Posted: March 8, 2012 in Mental Health
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Going through tough times tells you an awful lot about your life, it gives you a measure of where you are, true, shows you how well your family is at supporting you and how many of your friends can be counted on, all useful but ultimately pointless when the shit hits the figurative fan.

I spend my life lurching from mind numbing boredom and relative calmness, to hyper excitement and mental disarray, a small amount of time is spent between the two but its such a short amount of time its barely worth mentioning. This life can be worthwhile and the fruits of my endeavours make me proud,  my children or my writing and stuff, even my voluntary work instills some pride if that’s not too self centred of me. As life goes on things develop or disappear and that’s my lot, if that was all I had to contend with the future would be manageable, well sort of and I would have nothing to fear in the time to come that I couldnt at least ride out if not cope with easily.

The problem is I am leaking my problems into others, passing my mentality on and that’s a worry because I am working very hard not to, if I was being passive about it I could step and prevent it, feasibly, but I have spent a lot of effort to ensure it didnt happen and now its started to become a problem I am already at maximum vigilance so where do I go from here? I am useless when it comes to my nearest and dearest needing my help emotionally, part of the appeal of the Samaritans is I am not helping anyone on an emotional level that I have to meet, its listening and offering understanding without any advice or guidance and that’s about the measure of my talents in this field, anyone who shared a therapy group with me will know emotions arent very near to the surface with me so when other start to show theirs I get a bit put out, not saying its the nicest thing I could do but its my natural reaction and one  I have striven to change.

The next problem is how do I help? I can do the arm round the shoulder bit and offer platitudes but they never worked for me so I dont expect them to really make a difference, the advice I was offered at the time I was like this, as expressed in the title of this blog are useless and if anything counter productive so where do I go from here? I have ushered them towards therapy and doctors to get whatever medication might help but selfishly this is just so I dont have to do anything myself, I tried to have a chat about what I see is the problem but it comes out all preachy and like I am delivering a sermon, which as the recipient of many of these type of chats I know how unhelpful they can be, some people tell me I have a way about me that’s different from the was many deliver this stuff and I hope that’s true but I dont hear it when I speak and I dont want to create more problems than I clearly have already done, no one will officially ever lay the blame on me of course but living with me and my rollercoaster of a life can only be a drain on a persons well being, I am half inclined to do my triage thing and direct my efforts to everyone else not affected yet and hope the professionals can sort out the other problems for me, this may seem callous but its a leap for me as I wouldnt have acknowledged any possible effects of being with me at all this time two years ago, not that helps anyone right noe does it?


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