Making excuses or protecting??

Posted: February 20, 2012 in Mental Health

I havent been to therapy for a few weeks now, a mixture of reluctance and business being the reason thus far and it is well documented how I feel about the whole thing, or at least it appears to be. I could have gone this coming thursday but took an option not to, firstly voluntarily then I realised I didnt have a choice at all, but I had made one before that came to light so is irrelevant at this point.

It will be about 6-8weeks since I last went and I havent felt any dire need to be there, no offence to the other members but only having to deal with my shit and not being subjected to anyone elses seems like a good thing for me right now. The question has been asked on a few occasions by family and well meaning friends on whether I should ever return at all, or at least go back and announce my retirement from the program and I understand their objectives in this, encourage them almost but something inside me isnt so sure . I may be like a child whose bike has safety wheels right now and its easy when you know they are there, you pedal along and the fact you havent used them makes you thinks youve cracked it, in this case life. Take those wheels away and there will be many scraped knees and bumped heads before the realisation sets in that it was because the safety wheels were there that made you able to ride without them.

I have suffered a little recently but not felt the need to divulge everything to a group, it may be a step backwards for me but it doesnt feel like one and without a therapist telling me I’m wrong I can confidently continue, its their job but predictable and this loses its impact as you tut and think”you would say that wouldnt you?”. I have been away long enough to think it wont go unnoticed and this annoys me too, I dont want to waste anyones time discussing why I’m not there, if it doesnt mean enough for me to be there then why should it to them?

In short Im not going to go this week for good reason and next week is by no means a banker but in the end I will have to decide what I’m doing and for the sake of courtesy let the group know, or do I?

  1. mikeg12mike says:

    i understand what you are saying,i think it is like an alcoholic who is reducing there drinking attending meetings and listening to others who may not be so determined therefore allowing themselves to be dragged down,i hope that makes sense

  2. celticawitch says:

    It seems quite significant that your ‘disappearance’ coincides with a particularly harsh onslaught from someone. I think you’re hiding but that’s just my personal opinion. It’s all well and good to deal with our own shit but we don’t (or shouldn’t) live in seclusion and I know I’m a fine one to talk. It’s easier to deal with our own shit when we’re not challenged isn’t it. But for what it’s worth I do miss you.

    • bigsteveg says:

      I think the onlsaught was few weeks prior and has been thoroughly dealt with, as you missed the last time I was there you may have missed that part of the equation but to be honest mate its that sort of thinking that puts me off, it can just be what I say it is and nothing more, when you havent got any ultrior motive for things it gets demoralising to be pushed towards one just to fit the groups idea, I will be back but not regularly and when I want to, thanks for the thouyght though I know it comes from a caring place and dont object to the caring at all, take care

      • celticawitch says:

        Well ok then but the problem from a certain person’s point of view is definitely not over! To be honest I didn’t feel I was pushing, just making an observation that has been picked up on by others but oh well. You are doing what you want to do and that’s fine. Just want you to truly feel ok with it because your post kind of spoke a little differently. But yes it does come from a caring place xxx

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