Helter-skelter rides for free with BPD

Posted: January 6, 2012 in Mental Health

Seems like a joke and the rhymes actually a good one, I should have saved it for my poetry but its done now. I have been knee deep in Amazon sites and web designs these last few days and its been a bit of emotional turmoil involved as you can no doubt imagine.

I had a session with my Mentor today and we went over a few things that at the time were pretty mundane until , in my usual style I ruminated and ruminated until I wound myself up a treat. the whole rigmarole of publishing my book http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B006TM2ODO, shameless plug there I kind of lost myself, which is in essence a good thing but it just meant when I caught myself up there was stuff outstanding to deal with. I missed therapy because my ribs are still playing me up and I can be a little aggressive when I’m in pain, not unlike the proverbial bear I painted so often in art therapy. It was a selfless act really and one I shouldnt have bothered with because as usual its me that bears the cost, emotionally anyway.

I get stuck in a rut of downward spiraling and try to shake it off like a knock in a football match but I’m not just injured I have a disability of sorts and no amount of jogging and stretching will cure this one. When this hits me the realisation of what my life is and will be for as long as i can forsee then I get maudlin and look for someone to blame, usually myself and on occassion others, I wont detail who exactley but the list is short and inglorious. having the blame game on repeat is tiring and counter to my treatment but its like a dog going back to be whipped again and again. Tomorrow I’ll most likely be fine or as close to it as I can realistically get but in the here and now it sucks.

I have a million and one things to do to help with the launch of my novel and web site etc so maybe the diversion will be a good one and maybe it wont , I cant even begin to guess and I have decided to not even try.

By the way have a happy new year if you feel so inclined and enjoy every moment you can.

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Comments
  1. Checked out the book on amazon! Sounds good!

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