Blip = no blog = longer blip??

Posted: November 12, 2011 in Mental Health

Ive had a bad few days recently and there has been much talk about the triggers for this kind of event. My BPD is usually under wraps, I hide it well and manage to appear reasonably normal, well maybe a little ecentric but thats a british thing anyway so no one really pays me much mind these days. Sincde monday I have been in the doldroms and have not been woring at normal speed, in fact the feelings have been very familiar and I’m not too proud to say they scared the shit out of me, anyone who has been in that pit knows how deep it is and how hopeless the world feels at that time.

I managed to drag my backside into therapy and the good folks there tried their very best to understand and explain events for me and they did help but not in the way they intended, I’m not complaining as any help in this situation is gratefully recieved but I feel I frustrated them and probably just gave them reason to doubt their own recovery as I was one of the lucky ones who seemed to have beaten this to some extent and now I’m down there with them again, I felt I had let them down but its not their issue its mine. There was a funny comment which was out of context with the rest and it served as a reminder of those who enjoy the misery of others if for no other reason than to underline the fact they are special, I let it ride and enjoy knowing not rising to it was probably frustrating as hell to them, lol is the required prefix i believe to this situation.

Now one thing I did realise was different was that I havent been blogging as much as usual and I have used this forum to vent my spleen and maybe this is far more valuable as a tool than I ever imagined. I cant say sitting here writing that I can feel the weight lifting but I never see the real benefits of things until much later, I only realised the effect of the therapy three months after I left and this could be the same. I will try and get my larger than average backside into my chair and put something into words for now and see if there is any effect, could be that it does nothing more than entertain those who want to see my demise but if thats all then its something and I’ll take that, I always feel you should treat everyone with a little bit of what they fancy every now and then it saves the problem of self righteous indignation and makes the world a little nicer.

So in short I believe at the moment that bloggin may be the force for good in my psychiatric life and if no one minds too much I’m going to try and use this a bit more, so if you do like reading these strange vignettes then lucky you

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