Thursdays, stress stress stress

Posted: October 21, 2011 in Mental Health, Uncategorized

I dont wake every thursday dreading the day, I never go to bed wednesday and think I wish tomorrow was friday but I should I think. Being in a decent state of mind these days I try to remain positive and have a strangely optimistic approach to days, even thursdays.

As you may know I do my therapy session thursday mornings and I go in with very little on my mind usually and prepared to offer any nuggest of insight I feel are worthwhile, thats always my plan and it always goes tits up. I do think it is a duty of the group members to intercede and offer any assistance we can, if your not inclined then fine but if you can you should and to be honest its pretty usual that this happens, no always but people have their own shit to deal with and someone elses may be too much to add, I get it. I will always point out what I see and offer it up, not as an answer but a suggestion and I get decent feedback that I am not always right but understandable in my reasoning, this pushes me to do so again as I feel it works. its only when I focus on me that stuff gets wierd. I try not to personalise others issues with mine, it serves no purpose but others do and thats their style, if it works it works so no issue there. I spoke a bit about my perspective and quite rightly got challenged on how this sits with the rest of my life, and also the motives for the feelings I have, I didnt even know there were any but as usual I was mistaken.

I dont say that sardonically, I usually am, at least when it comes to the emotive side of things, I am literally like a blind man in the world of feelings and emotions and cant detect my own or anybody elses unless they go overboard which is never a good thing, too angry I will react, too happy I get suspicious and so on. As I sat there being challenged I was made to look at the thing I dont do, my feelings about where this came from and how it started, and most importantly where its going to go. As you may realise I dont have an idea about this, not today anyway and thats why I get stressed by it. I am frustrated that I cant reply on the day, to decent and well measured questions, I do try and I think my group mates would say I did but I must drive them crazy because I sound like a stuck record about myself and also they must think Im a hypocrite as I espouse to them but cant do it myself, I know thats how I feel when others do it so I am not being paranoid just fair.

In the end I have rationed my thursday exposure for the best reason I can think of which is progression but I am a little worried i am using this as a smoke screen to hide the true reason which is I have to avoid the oppurtunity for others to question my progress, until today this wasnt even in my mind but again a very good challenge has opened my mind to other questions which are indirect but equally as important to my life and future. I will do as I see fit foir now until someone better placed to say otherwise intercedes which is unlikely to happen.

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