Oh no she dident

Posted: October 13, 2011 in Mental Health

Pardon the spelling, I couldnt work out how to write what they say and its the exact sentiment I wanted to put across. I had a very nice day doing some stuff for my therapy unit with professionals from the field we’re in locally. All I had to do was tell these fifty or so people about my experiences along with some fine fellow sufferers, we had different and somewhat contrasting stories but the end result was growth and a measure of success which was why we were asked to speak, no point bringing in the shivering wrecks doped up to the noines on clonazepam is there.

When I agreed to do this I didnt really think what the audience would comprise of, I am something of an evangelist for the unit and just wanted to say as much good stuff as I could about it, next time engage brain prior to agreeing anything as the audience was comprised of consultant psychologists from the kent area, yes Kent where I live and have been treated by consultant psychologists, guess what my own psychiatrist was there and she recognised me and came over tyo say Hi, I thoink she feels some reflected glory that I was one of the success stories, she didnt refer me or add anything new and she only reduced my meds at my request but if it makes her happy then good for her. I didnt realise until after I had done my bit which was well recieved thankfully that the consultant who set me on the path to a diagnosis was also ther, he is an inpatient clinician so not recognising me is unsurprising and I felt no offence and didnt think to remind him at any point.

At the end we did a panel Q&A with this inpatient guy joining us which was wierd as he has nothing to do with the unit but hey ho whatever they want is fine by me. The questions were a little technical and I offered a few words where I thought I could add something, all good thus far. right near the end my psycjhiatrist puts her hand up and asks whether I wa sstill being medicated and under the CMHT, where she was looking after me from. You read that correctly she, my psychiatrist asked me whether I was seeing a psychiatrist, now I know quite a few BPD sufferers who would have shit a brick at that point, acted out and got very intense very quickly, I just laughed and told her it was she who had discharged me only four months ago and yes as she had recommended I was still on the meds she had prescribed for me. There was ripple of good humoured appreciation for the silly situation and I got on with the session without any thing else happening. I left the group and drove home thinking about the irony of the whole thing, she did recognise me and and approached me to say Hi but then asks a ridiculous question and it got me wondering why she would do it.

Part of me thought she wanted to let the rest of the room know what our relationship was, a kind of ” I did this” thing but that makes no sense as she incurred derision from her colleagues so what was her anglke, as ther is always an angle in these things and I cant for the life of me work out what she was doing. I do know i could have taken extreme offence and in the past I might have so maybe its a little light shining on the good things that have happened and I should shrug it off, but it niggles me and I will think about this for a while and probably come up with a paranoid fantasy about her motives which in my internal world. In the end I dont think I’ll ever find out and probably dont need to know do I?

  1. showard76 says:

    I might be wrong here but from the way I read it she was asking that question to give you a chance to speak about yourself and show the audience how far you have come, yes you still need support and meds – but you’re not an inpatient, you’re there on the panel talking to an audience – I think it was ‘bigging you’ up to show people in he audience that BPD sufferers can do ‘okay’, we’re not just quivering wrecks, doped up to the eyeballs, hidden/locked away from society – we are ‘normal’ people too!? 🙂

    • bigsteveg says:

      Hi sharon I did consider this but the question could have been put in so many better ways and she is nothing if not intelligent and verbose, You are probabl;y right but it still smarts a little and you know how we love to vent every now and then, great hearing from you always a pleasure

  2. nacadie says:

    I just found out about your site and i think it is great that you share your own experiences. I also have bpd and i am in a thearpy programm 4 times a week. I also started a blog in the hopes of helping others, i do put alot of stuff on their that i learn from therapy. Please feel free to read me as well, perhaps we can learn from each other. naclivingwithbpd.blogspot.com.
    Thank you :o)

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