heavy times ahead and behind

Posted: September 18, 2011 in Mental Health

Ive been off the radar for a few days, just been caught up with stuff and trying to handle things the best I can while not really feeling any emotions, not healthy or particularly useful but is the way Ive been used to and all the good work done this past year has not been forgotten but when the litmus test comes I revert back to type to get through, its worked before and unlike usual I havent fallen into a pit of despair, as of yet anyway.

Just to fill in on events I have had to contend with my beautiful daughter finally growing up,, in my eyes at least, she drops the boyfriend bombshell just before she leaves for University, double whammy for me as I have issues about any male being within touching distance of my precious angel, its a dad thing excacerbated by BPD and not being within an hours drive to help her if needed is going to be hard but I have managed this by looking at it from her point of view, these must be exciting times and full of ambition and expectation, when her mum said her boyfriend was a nice choice for a first boyfriend I laughed, to her he’s probably the one right now so she wont see it quite the same way. Added to this stress is my wife and carer returning to work leaving me to take care of our six year old, not complaining or moaning but its a daunting task, its his sixth birthday as well and my charity is having a big event on the same day, wednesday is going to be a doozy.

The worst of my problems right now is a delicate matter which almost instantly precludes me from being useful. I got a call from a great mate asking some odd questions about another geat mate, how old his son was and did he live on such and such street, he knew all the facts but wanted to check before he spoke further. It turns out my friends son is being tried for some serious sexually related charges, some of which were described as the worst imaginable we both double checked the details just to ensure we werent getting it wrong and we know its him and by his plea its likely he’s guilty so what do I do??

My mate is not implicated but i have seen him since the whole thing exploded and he hasnt mentioned anything and his son has even been there while i was there with my kids, which has upset the wife. Should he have mentioned it or not? would it have changed anything if I did know earlier and how do I broach the subject from this point on, I have to acknowledge whats going on but the rest of the family involved are behaving as normal on the social networking sites and without the information in the news we wouldnt even suspect this was going on, but it is and I have to ensure I dont in anyway stigmatise my friend for the sins of his son, although another part of me wonders how he could have continued as normal, outwardly at least if he knew what his son was accused of, this troubles me so I cant just ring him and chat about other stuff without this being an issue, I know parents want to think the best of their kids so can I in anyway chastise him if he supports his son even though the evidence and his failure to plea his innocence are quite damning or do I right it off as parental blindness which we can all have at times right?

I am now left with the fallout from all this stuff and trying my best to lock down the overeaction and just allow this stuff to be there in the background while i carry on with my life to the best of my abiblity, which is pretty good for now but under such extreme pressure I would be well within my rights to have a bit of a turn, althoughmy life would be harmed drastically if I allowed it to happen and the life of those around me could be harmed irrevicably which I am trying my hardest to prevent from happening. In the end I will do my best yes there is pressure on me and I dont like it right now but if I want to have a normal life this stuff, sex crimes aside is normal and i need to try and live this way from now on.

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