Profound Bullshit is still profound right?

Posted: August 30, 2011 in Mental Health

Ive been a bit hard on myself recently, regarding all my pearls of wisdom as banal crap that just blurts out of my mouth and therefore has no real depth or meaning. I have been pretty good really I guess, my spirituality stuff got decent feedback although some of that was about the quotation I chose to finish on, I chose it so could say its credit for me but I dont like that explanation so I wont go there with it.

I do have some very profound thoughts in my head, they are about all sorts of things but mainly about BPD and life in its grip, I speak to my friends about it and pass on my supposedly wise words, they seem to get something from them so it must be worthwhile for them if not me and ultimately thats enough isnt it? I listen to myself speaking and have this little devil like voice mocking myself as I’m speaking, you dont know what youre on about or who do you think you are to be lecturing on that subject when your useless yourself. If youve ever had the condition the words will be familiar its our inner child or super ego or whatever you want  to name it it happens.

I like to think I put in a real effort when dealing with my colleagues in therapy, I say nothing I dont think is relevant and make every effort not to offend although I will say the hard things if necessary and I think I generally get a decent response from folks but its not them I’m trying to impress, I do care about them obviously but in reality its my own verdict that matters to me, and not in a self satisfied pat on the back way but a super critical, how dare you even try type of thing.

so my question about profundity is aimed at myself but others as well, there are many times I have heard people try and be profound just to get a smug response later when they are praised, is it a matter of whether it is meant to be profound which makes it so or the ingredients that define it?I have been in a foul mood and said things for no effect other then to upset others, it has happened I’m not proud but its in my nature to be cruel on occasion and it has happened that my barbed comments were taken at face value to be very deep and meaningful and some how a myth of cultured thought is born and the recipient feels I have made a worthwhile effort to help them, I almost laugh at the injustice I feel, after all if I cant even cause upset when I’m making an effort what use am I in an argument, nonetheless I have discovered that mine and others words are taken to be very important when in fact we are just bumping our gums, does this make it any less useful to the person who feels we have given them something of note or does it make a mockery of them?

I like to think the latter as it would be a sad state of affairs if we could be making people to be mugs in our attempts to fill in vacant space with brain farts, let alone the effect it would have on them to realise the speaker wasnt even thinking about them when they spoke and the generic style of speech was meaningless in the ears of anybody else. I will try and prevent the opportunity of causing the situation to arise again by only making comment when I feel I should or can help out but I dont doubt it will occur from others and may even be directed at me although I take everyone elses words as well meaning but pointless half the time, thats no reflection on them just me I guess.


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