New excuses for old behaviours

Posted: August 19, 2011 in Mental Health
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Whether its true or not we manage to find reasons for what we do, our diagnosis is a great get out of jail free card in some cases, all too often its not taken into account at all but with the right people we get away with murder and we know it. I have been a complete bastard in the past and dont doubt I will do so again but hopefully not in the same manner or with the same intensity, I dont know if this is going to be the case but after a long period of reflection Im hoping to have a better handle on it.

This last evening I was on a fast, I have to have blood taken and no food for fifteen hours can be very traumatic, the diabetes gets me grumpy and this is a classic excuse for bad behaviour, much the same as my wife using PMS whenever she gets the chance, I’m not saying she’s lying just that its very convenient, and maybe its because I know what goes on that I am judging her by my standards, whatever it cuts no ice with me. not eating put me in a bad mood and I assume thats what was wrong over the past evening, BPD does get days off I’m assuming but does it accentuate the situation at all?

I have in the past blamed things on many different things, the lack of food being one of them but there have been plenty of other things and maybe my BPD was absent at these time or it was the real driving force behind what went on and I’m kidding myself that there were extenuating circumstances. I have an issue with guilt, I am resoved to own it regardless of my reasons for misbehaving and I certainly expect everyone else to own theirs whether they like it or not. The rioters blame there social circumstances, murders hark back to poor parenting or drugs and these excuses are bull, regardless of your situation you ultimately have to take responsibility.

I have an excellent excuse but dont feel the right to use it, maybe I’m just being harsh and these poor folks should be given a shoulder to lean on but I dont care and hopefully my theory will be born out by the courts. I read a book about american criminology and it actually had a whole chapter about BPD and the fact it cannot be used as a mitigating factor in any crimes, they actually have gone to the trouble of naming the disorder and making a case against it which means my attitude is agreed upon by law makers across the pond. I have done terrible things and have to live with the guilt, yes they may never have happened if I didn t have BPD but they did happen and thats that, in the future I may be able to show some compassion to myself but I dont feel I will for a long time.

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Comments
  1. seriously loved this post!

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