I have been doing that thing I should never do and research my condition, although to be fair to me I wasnt looking into BPD but psychopathy for a book I’m writing, its a long story but I didnt like the idea of writing about someone without looking at the possible motives they may have had for their actions, call me a nerd but it matters.

Anyway I go through some boring scientific descriptions of what the DSM 1V says about it, its Anti social behavioural disorder these days and the UN have another description which I cant even be vothered to cut and paste here, this wasnt particularly of interest so I read on, they are working on the newest set of psychiatric terms as we speak and there is some arguement on whether to have a seperate dis order for psychopaths, and sociopaths as well to be fair to the poor sociopath who is often over looked by the rest of us in favour of their more famous cohorts.

Reading this I followed a link to another site about the classification of Psychopaths and read the DSM1v table, it read very similar to the one they use for BPD in fact to my surprise I scored higher on this one than the one I had for my BPD I have seven of the nine for BPD but 8 for psychopathy, which tickled me for a moment then I decided to look at the sociopath one and again I hit an 8, dont get me wrong this isnt a bragging thing my score is not the important thing its the comparison with these well known and often feared conditions that troubles me, I have been told I was a sociopath years ago and didnt care, which is classic sociopath behaviour I was also told I had PTSD and other things so I havent worried too much about these diagnosis, if one can be wrong then so can any of the others right?

If I look back on my previous behaviours I would most likely find many traits of anti social behaviour disorder, the technical heading for most psychopaths, and on occasion I have been a solid 9 out of 9 but thats the past and I am nowhere near those scores now, at least not on a good day.the subject matter for the book is likely to throw up some stuff so I am now considering whether to continue with it, the story is a good one and  could be a real commercial story with cross genre potential so it would be a shame to give it up and my insight may just tip the quality over the edge into something special, we can but hope.

I’m not going to reveal too much aboutmy idea for the book here, not yet but suffice to say there is a psychopath in it and he is very intelligent and evil, his actions will be described in detail and the very thought that these ideas exist in my head right now brings up a question about my own levels of sanity, I always wondered about Stephen King and Clive Barker, I mean some of the crazy stuff they come up with suggests a sick mind to me but as long as they write about it and dont follow it through theyre genius’s I dont proclaim to be in their class, not on the writing front anyway although my twisted imagination I would put up against anyones. so am I a psychopath a sociopath or just a a plain old BPD sufferer, I dont know and cant say it matters too much as long as I use the wierd and wonderful ways of thinking for creative purposes I guess.

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