Genius or Lunatic, or both?

Posted: June 27, 2011 in Mental Health

You may have seen my poll that I set up in order to get some input re: my Serial killer plan, which up until yesterday was just in my head and not put on paper. Thinking about the idea of writing it down got me going so I opened word, which at the moment is a nightmare as it wants to re-install itself, giving me a little time to decide if I really wanted to do this, five minutes later I was still resolved to forge on and I went for it.

I dont really know where to put it, on my Prose blog or here or nowhere at all, I guess if anyone actually uses the poll I can make a decision on the basis of that, but whatever it isnt that that gets me writing today. The fact is the more i read my ideas the more sensible they become, putting aside the morality of the issue, I find that very easy these days, I looked at the real nitty gritty of whether it would work as a plan, and my gut feeling is it would. there are some things that you cant legislate for like bad luck and the odd nosey parker but generally its a sound idea. That leads me to another point, if I can think like this then your common or garden sociopath should be able to as well, and psychopaths who are usually very intelligent, although usually in a savant style should have sussed this plan out years ago, unless I am truly a criminal genius in which case I should set my mind to other things and apply this knowledge to making some money.

where would one start on this path then, after all no one plans a bank job with a high probabilty of getting caught built into the plan, they all see themselves as masterminds and think of the police as children set against men. Am I deluded to think that there isnt an office somewhere that has the responsibilty of thinking these things up mand countering them, if there isnt why not as it seems likely there is a need for it. I like to think I wouldnt deliberateky break the law without good reason, the whole issue of fighting being illegal isnt cut and dried for me, if two men want to assault each other then as long as no one else is getting hurt let them go for it, stop them by all means if you cant bear to watch but lock them up for consentual violence seems pointless and draconian. I would steal if the victim was reimbursed fully, such as a bank or betting office but theres the issue of the collateral victim, the tellers or clerks who could be traumatised, thats why I wopnt do it, not because of the moral issue but I wouldnt want to hurt innocent folks in anyway.

So I look at this apparent talent, and I’m not sure it exists as someone could look at my plan and shoot it to pieces, after all you do get quite blinkered when you do these things and may miss a glaring oversight, alternatively I may be on the money and would be unstoppable and theres the nub, is it crazy to even consider this stuff, does the fact its in my mind point to a sickness that needs addressing sooner rather than later and if its not essentialy evil to even think these things then what constitutes conspiracy, one of my all time favourite songs is by Garth Brooks called We shall be free, in it he says the world wont be free until many things transpire, most very worthy and stuff but he says that a man cant be killed for the words that he said, I have to say this isnt how I feel about that sort of thing I get the whole Amnesty International thing about political freedom of speech but Osama Bin Laden didnt gring down the twin towers he just ordered it, in essence just words that he said, but you wouldnt argue he should be alive today as a result would you.

So thought can trigger action and this is where I’m perplexed by merely thinking of ways to do harm am I being deviant and thereby against society, which by most definitions is criminal behaviour. Is it lunacy that I have a propensity to work on a level below common decency, that i actually put a value on these ideas in the sense that I rate them as suitable for purpose rather than write them off as fantasy, which is what they are. The other option I have with these thoughts is to use them creatively as works of fiction, something I would love to do but cannot get into the mindset of a novelist, no problems with storys, premise or even characters its the details I struggle with, fleshing out a chapter with colour and light, I know the nuts and bolts but cant seem to make the thing a whole, Ive tried before and made a decent fist of it but my self criticism kicks in and I delete whole reams of stuff.

So I guess I’m no genius although I’d love to proclaim I was, maybe I have a talent for criminal thinking and I could use that to some good, at least for myself if not society but i dont know if I can claim to be a lunatic either, after all my BPD has many facets and this could just be one of them. I will try and write down my ideas, they are quite diverse criminally from bank robbery to kidnap and out and out murder in cold blood but I worry they could inspire others to such acts using my fool proof methods of staying undetected, mind you Lynda LaPlant et al dont seem to concern themselves so why should I.


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