Am I addicted to Facebook

Posted: June 25, 2011 in Mental Health

This is just a query really, I dont know if its the same for everyone but we cant get onto Facebook this morning, no biggie I hear you say, and ordinarily I would agree with you but no today my friend not today.

I go online far too often in a day, boredom and curiosity drive me towards it numerous times and I inevitably end up checking either of my Facebook accounts just to see if anyone has posted on my wall, their wall, someone I knows wall just about anything really. I didnt think this was too serious after all I know people who are on Facebook 24/7 and they seem happy enough, sad in other ways yes but in themselves happy ish. So whats the problem you ask, well today it bothered me when I couldnt get on, not just a niggling ass ache but actual botheration and it hit home, I’m an addict.

I dont mean to be blase about addictions I know people who have and are still struggling with some serious problems caused by addiction, this isnt serious like that but it is worrying me because I like to be snobby about other peoples silly little foibles and this puts me amongst them, the little people I have so little time for. It isnt the fact that I felt bereft without Facebook, it is that I would slaughter someone for the same reason, figuratively obviously, no serial killer type slaughtering just verbal. This puts me in a difficult position of becoming a hypocrite, my most hated of character traits, for all the psycho stuff I go through I never go down that road so I cant stand the idea I could have become one, albeit accidentally.

The Facebook thing is a smoke screen I guess or even a metaphor, I like that better yes a metaphor for something else which means more to me and that is my concieted superiority which I dont truly have any right to but still its my only vice so why shouldnt I indulge it every now and then. The question at the head of this blog isnt really the question at all, its why am I so sure of my superiority when my situation would indicate that its far from true, yes I’m intelligent but thats a quirk of fate I didnt earn it and my physical size isnt really something to be proud of, I like that I’m tall and broad but I’m also fat so there goes the high ground there. I dont do anything particularly different from others, there are many many people who write better than me, that can use the computer and mobile phone more effectively and to cap it all off most of the planet doesnt have a personality disorder, so where does my delusion of superiority come from?

My only possible answer at this time is in the delusion part of the question, I must be deluding myself to save myself from the real facts, that I am 41 years old, overweight, unemployed, unemployable even and knee deep in debt, these are the real facts and theres no pride to be had from any of this, yes I am the father of three geat kids and have a successful marriage but thats not really an achievement my family have ensured that inspite of me rather than with me. I guess I will be never really be able to get over the facts and making myself something else in my head helps to ease the pain these things cause, my fridge magnet says in bright colourful font ” Therapy has taught me nothing is my fault ” and I think I have bought into this over the years, yes I do have BPD but thats not why I’m in the state I am, contributed yes but soley the cause no. I just have to get over myself and try to do something about the things I have power over, I’ve made a start with my voluntary work and I just hope I can build on this and move forward, and in answer to my original question its unfortunately Yes I am addicted to Facebook, Woe is me.

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