The Lonely life of a BPD sufferer

Posted: June 21, 2011 in Mental Health

Yesterday I emphasised the impact that we as sufferers have on our nearest and dearest, which is more than true, but I feel I left out a serious component of our problem, one that can be the very worst of our symptoms and for the very unlucky ones all encompassing. Loneliness, its a word that strikes cold shivers across my neck and it is almost universal across the BPD spectrum, we by definition are different from the majority of those around us, unless you are lucky enough to have met other sufferers, and it is a blight on everything that can be good in life

The old adage of being alone in a room full of people stands true to us and it can be harder to express than anything else as it doesnt make any sense to those who havent felt it before, after all there are loads of people around loneliness is about being alone surely. In my dealings with the BPD community it is taken as read that we are alone for much of the time, not mliterally although for some it is the case that they are completely alone for long periods of time and although I dont diminish the feelings of those, like myself, who have got someone even if they dont feel like being with them, it must be manyntimes worse for those who live alone and cant decide whether they would prefer to live on their own inside their heads as there is no one there to change things with.

I have previously talked about the impact on others and how terrible it must be but there is flip side to that, for the sufferer at least in that they have somewhere to go for help, if they can ask for it at the sound of their call they will be helped as much as the person can, but what of the lone sufferer, he/she doesnt have access to friends and loved ones, or the oppurtunity to merely call out and be calmed, talked out of their suicidal feelings or reasoned with when their paranoia sets in. This , as I have been told is excruciating at times and leads to compounding the situation as it serves as evidence of your low self worth that no one cares enough about you to be there. Its all well and good writing about this but whats to be done?

I know a few people in this situation and I try and engage them in activities that some of us do, whether its a coffee every thursday lunchtime after therapy or an invite to the cinema once a week but if they are having a bad day they arent going to come regardless of the good intention of the invitation. I am loathe to give out my mobile number willy nilly as this can cross huge boundaries and become something of a problem, which ends with you removing them from your contacts, not answering their calls and ultimately leads to feelings with rejectionn that create a whole new set of problems. I know thats some people rely heavily of Crisis teams if you can really rely on them as they are hit and miss at the best of times and do only as much as required to cover their asses if things go pear shaped although funnily enough the Samaritans rarely get a mention and I have explored this avenue and they would be ideal in this instance, being there to listen and reassure. I am left feeling powerless to help and this in itself is classic BPD, the idea that I am so important to the situation that my failure to act is in someway crucial to the events, but still its not nice knowing that people I like and care about and thousands I dont are having to go through this awful life without the benefit of simple company, its just the way it is I guess but spare a thought for them please.

  1. showard76 says:

    Great post! Loneliness can be all encompassing for us. Looking back at earlier stories ( and ) and blogs ( and I wrote before I had my diagnosis I can see how much such things impacted on me! I have just written my first blog about my BPD ( – having avoided writing specifically about it before because it is so ‘hard’ for me. Keep up the good work 🙂

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