Sorry

Posted: June 12, 2011 in Mental Health

Some of you may have noticed my last blog has been removed, this was done by me due to the rambling content, it wasnt offensive or anything just garbled rubbish which wasnt worth the time it took to read, so if you did happen to catch it, I’m sorry.

Reading back things I’ve written is sometimes great fun, especially stuff from eighteen months or more ago as I was in a very strange frame of mind and that adds some spice to the words, My rants I have published on my Poetry blog give some indication of the type of things I got my goat about. The problem is as amusing as they are they also serve as a salutory lesson on the need to control myself. If I carried on in the vein I had been on I would have engendered a great deal of anger and disgust, I was literally out of my mind with hate and vitriol and the many pieces I wrote would have been seen as horrible expressions of rage, even some of the funnier stuff, if read in context could be deemed hurtful.

What this teaches me is to reread stuff before I issue it for public perusal, what I think is amusing on first thoughts may in fact be trivial crap or borderline offensive. This doesnt mean I am going to censor myself all the time, if the blogs I write are to represent me then they have to be an honest effort to describe things as I see them rightly or wrongly, and I do have to add to the mix my BPD, which can throw some curve balls into the game. This black and white thinking issue that is the essence of BPD isnt always a bad thing, it can give you more conviction to stand up for what you believe, and the courage to say something you might never have had the balls to say in normal circumstances but it doesnt always follow that what youre thinking is correct, paranoia and psychosis can change our reality to the degree that we respond to unseen attacks with anger.

This is usually misdirected and whilst I endeavour to avoid using any of this stuff in my blog it is almost accepted it will sometimes creep in, as was most likely the reason for my Oddness in my now deleted blog, again I’m sorry if you read it and didnt get it or like it, why would you, just know I dont intend to do it again and hopefully I can maintain the interest in my blogs by using interesting subject matter and an informed if somewhat skewed point of view.

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