Attitude adjustment

Posted: June 2, 2011 in Mental Health

I am not the greatest of thinkers, I’m ridiculously impulsive and with a few moments of thought I would probably be rich and healthy living in sublime ignorance of the ills of the world, but I have reacted to situations with my gut and not my head and so I live as I do regardless of the might be and may nots. I am I think in a unique position as I have been through some tough things as well as having had immensly successful and happy periods,, these two dont quite balance each other but they do allow me to view events with a clearer head, to way things up from both sides and not the usual situation of the “normal” world but one who has been to the extreme edges of happiness and depression as well as intrinsically good and indisputable evil, Ive been to both and come out somewhere in the middle, as my therapists would call it the grey area, I hate that desription of it but thats the prevailing example at the moment.

As I said my situation has led me to be able to use my head in circumstances I would have previously jumped in with both feet unhindered by my morals or good sense. I use my previous experiences and those of others I have been in therapy with to way up the possible conclusions of what I may or may not do. This might seem to be a logical situation for most and nothing to feel good about but I do and wont be swayed from it. The reason for mentioning this is that I have been in discussion with some fellow sufferers and they have a very different experience than myself, they have fundemntally been through the same process I have and for one reason or another not had the same result. Probably unfairly I have made a judgement on their position and how there seems to be a huge difference in where we are at the moment, and its their attitude that seems to be holding them back, I speak with ex[perience as I was doing the exact same thing until it was pointed out to me what I was doing, in fairly blunt terms I might add, but what can I or anyone else do to change their feelings and thoughts about the world around them? I try and do what i can in the discussion with regards to positive reinforcement and stuff but you cant crack every nut the same way and its frustrating but inevitably there is nothing I or anyone but them can do, but I will use it as a stick with which to beat myself with in times of need.

I know that the way I feel right now is transient, I could easily feel the diametric opposite in a few hours time but the difference between today and six months ago is that I wont allow it to take hold, where my previous attitude was to let things ride and do my best to pick up the pieces afterwards I now fight to remove myself from the situation, pro active use of thoughts to move on and reinforce myself for the better, in short my attitude has changed entirely from being like those people I mentioned, who are good honest people who just happen to have BPD, but they have yet to gain the necessary attitude to defeat the negative feelings. Im lucky and I know it, I have been through a very intense year of therapy that was very expensive and I have benefited immensely all I can do now is move and but in the meantime I will try and help my friends who have yet to get to my point in the process.


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