The Witching hour

Posted: May 20, 2011 in Mental Health

As I sat in my corner seat on the sofa, watching a film Ive been trying finish all week but keep falling asleep in front of, no reflection on the film, its the medication doing its job. I was aware that my thoughts were turning toward negativity, and if I think about it they do so on a regular basis at about this time most nights, but why?
Is it because I am alone, usually bored and ultimately aware that I have really done anything with my time, could it just be the length of time since I took my medication in the morning and its a comedown of sorts, I cant begin to understand at this point but I do have to try and do something about it as I have this almost every evening and I only have to succumb once for there to be a disaster. Its seems a little melodramatic to state that there could be a disaster after all I have been harping on about how I have gained insight and strength from my therapy, but it is exactlty the complacency that I have improved therefore I cannot fall backwards, that will be my downfall.
So I know when I am likely to have a slip and in essence I know what the feelings are about although its very much in hindsight, so I should be able to formulate a coping mechanism, shouldnt I? I set my mind to this pretty much as soon as I realised it was going on and I’m yet to come up with anything positive, the idea that I medicate myself earlier is atractive in one sense but this is essentially drugging myself out of my mind, which cant be regarded as healthy, why not just drink a bottle of scotch, or take some other substance , for good reason I dont do these things and medicating would be as derisable to me. There is always the oppurtunity to do a bit more blogging and I did have this in mind last night but thankfully, from the point of view of the blogosphere, I sparked out and woke in the early hours and then went up to bed. I could feasibly sit and practice my creative writing, poetry and novel writing used to take up my time quite well in the past, although my confidence in my abilities is very changeable at the moment and I dont want to sound needy but I cant trust my opinions at the moment.
I have had a few idea that could do with me actually looking at and putting some thought into, but to be honest at the time I’m writing about I dont feel very motivated to do anything except wallow. maybe I’m just going to have work through this on an ad hoc basis, at least fro now until someone comes up with the magic bullet that will solve this problem once and for all, watch this space I guess


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