Reasons to be cheerful

Posted: May 16, 2011 in Uncategorized

My mondays are usually very good these days, which wasnt always the case, especially when I was in therapy three days a week, but nowadays its good,
Why? well I volunteer at my sons primary school in the reception class and its great. Not only do I get to spend time with my boy but I get to meet his peers and spend time playing with them. I realise all kids are different and have always known this but meeting these kids has widened my field and let me enjoy some very different and engaging young minds.
The real reason I have good mondays is because I have a firm appointment on a monday morning and that eases my mind and gives me something to look forward to. As I might have mentioned before I believe the secret to living as normal a life as possible is to fill it up as much as I can, whilst being careful not to over indulge and put extra pressure on myself, this is a difficult balancing act which I’ll admit I do need help with as my boundaries can be easily breeched by unthinking soles who mean me no harm but do so by accident.
At the moment I have three days a week with a set plan, only wednesday is a full day and I did have a situation in the last few weeks where I managed to convince myself that I had no spare time, what with having to give the car back in time for stevie to be collected from school, not getting access to the car until he was dropped off and then the constraints of going to minor appointments very rarely I had written off every day as being full whilst inreality I am bored stiff most of the time and twiddle my thumbs for want of anything meaningful to do. Thankfully I have gotten over myself and realised I was talking myself into a lie, but thats the staus quo, I have to be vigilant of my thoughts and feelings and try to either moderate them myself or voice them and let others be my calming influence.
Anyone who has BPD will understand that being left alone with your thoughts and memories is a dangerous thing, the lack of self worth and feeling of failure are unhingeing and can lead to very distressing situations where self harm and suicide seem to be reasonable responses. There is no real cure to any of this but I am a firm believer that the use of time management is crucial, I am not dumb and I know when I or someone else is trying to kid me into believing I’m busy when I’m not so it needs to be actual things to be done and if you can achieve some level of balance between doing too much or not enough you have a chance to moderate your days and maybe even find some enjoyment, which isn’t so bad a result when you consider how bad things can be.
saying that I’ve got nothing planned for tomorrow so watch this space

  1. James Tuite says:

    Thanks Steve

    for your presence in the bologosphere

    i think you have so much to give and your insights are the first place to start

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